Do you believe this?

I am intrigued. Curious. And a little confused.

For those of you who don't know, I am a sermon junkie. Yes, I even attend a group for those of us addicted to the spoken word in sermon form. Hello, my name is Dave...
Yes, we all stand up one and a time and introduce ourselves. Unfortunately, we only get through one or two people at a time. Most of the group is made up of former or current pastors, and it's tough to get us to shut up once we have peoples attention. But seriously, if there was such a group, it would certainly be made up of clergy. Who else likes sermons as much? This might be one of the most disturbing addictions, come to think of it.

I listen to about one sermon every weekday. Not just any old sermons- ohhhh nooo. I only listen to the best! Rob Bell, Erwin McManus, and John Ortberg chiefly.

I am still mulling over the sermon I heard today. It has struck something within me. And I'm not sure what. But when in doubt, write about it!

This story is about Jesus. Do you sometimes don't even want to mention his name? It is a shame that his name has become such a cliche. People hear the name Jesus and they roll their eyes, whether internally or externally. Prejudices form so quickly and defenses spring up.
Please put all that away and let me tell you what is happening inside me. First of all, I had waaaay too much guacamole last night. What? Right. Not what you wanted to hear. Ease up, skippy, just trying to lighten the mood.

So, back to Jesus. Deal with it if it makes you uncomfortable.
I am a firm believer that some of us are so used to hearing certain Bible stories that we miss how interesting they are. Take the story of Lazarus being raised from the dead for instance. There is so much going on behind the scenes that we miss a lot of what the story was meant to communicate. So please indulge a little backstory before I get to what has me tweaked internally.

This story is found in John 11, for those of you unfamiliar with the Bible (or as I like to call them- Catholics). Ok, ok, settle down, I am just mostly kidding!

Jesus is hangin' with his peeps by the Jordan river. He recently left Jerusalem-probably because the religious leaders wanted to kill him. Once again he said something that they found incredibly blasphemous. He claimed that he and the God they worshiped, the God whose name they wouldn't even say- he had the gall to claim that he and this God were one. Course, it was true, but they didn't seem to see it that way. Jesus and the disciples booked out of there and went to hang out where John the Baptist did his thing (he was the crazy dude that lived in the desert and ate bugs). People heard about this and a bunch of them went to see him. He gave a really, really short sermon and a bunch of people decided to believe in him. (take note preachers! not every sermon has to be 45 minutes long)

As he is out there, he gets word that one of his closest friends was really sick. Maybe the swine flu? That would have been ironic! Cause Jews don't eat pork, see, and pork is pig. In meat form. Get it?
Anywho, Jesus and his disciples hear this and he tells them not to worry about it. He says ol Laz, will be just fine. And he stayed where he was for 2 days. No big deal, right? Jesus said it would be ok. I'm sure his disciples believed him. Why wouldn't they? They had seen the dude walk on water. Kinda ups the believe-ability factor.

After those 2 days Jesus says- You know what? Let's go to Judea again! Remember that little restaurant they have there? I'm dying for some of their lentil soup.
To which the disciples astutely remind him- Uh, Jesus? You might have forgotten, but that's kinda close to where the religious leaders tried to kill you. Just a gentle reminder, there Messiah boy. I think they probably remember how cheesed off they are at you, it's only been what? 2 days? You might really die for that soup.

To which Jesus responds "Are there not 12 hours in the day? If anyone walks in the day he does not stumble, because he sees the light of this world. But if one walks in the night he stumbles, because the light is not in him"


To which the disciples let out a collective "Huh?" And then Bartholomew, the lesser disciple, takes Jesus aside and whispers to him "Dude- you're doing it again- that thing where you sorta slip into evangelical preacher mode. You asked me to tell you when you did that remember? Some of us ain't real bright, member? Could you say it again in English? (well, actually he would have said "Hebrew" but just stay with me, ok?)


Jesus looks around the circle and sees the blank stare in their eyes he has come to know so well. Except for Matthew, who is nodding as if he understands everything. He doesn't. 


"Lazarus is sleeping and we should go wake him up"- Jesus


"Excellent plan. He will feel tons better after a good healthy nap! My mom always used to make me nap when I had a tummy ache. In fact the other day...


Jesus- brutally interrupting Peter- says, while slapping his forehead with his palm says "DUDES. Laz is dead"


Ok- why didn't he just say that in the first place? Why the mystery? What is Jesus trying to be, one of the writers of Lost? Jesus. Just make it plain. Please. For the love of your dad.

No really, I don't get all that. If I was a disciple I would have thought the same thing. Laz was a good friend, they had spent a lot of time with him and his sisters Mary and Martha. Why say he was sleeping when he was dead? 


Thomas then replies- "Well, guys, lets go and die with Him." Is he being sarcastic? Fatalistic? Did Jesus hear? 


Ok, I admit I made up part of the interaction, especially the part where Bart speaks. I really wanted to give the bro some face time. You probably didn't even know he was a disciple, did you? I feel bad for the poor guy.


Now the story gets interesting. As Jesus was getting close, one of the sisters, Martha, comes out to greet/confront him. Depending on how you read this, she basically says its Jesus' fault that Lazarus died.


 "If you would have been here he would not have died". 


Now THAT'S bold. She knew who he was. Remember, this is GOD she was accusing. Did she have her angry finger out? Did she point in his chest? Did she wave it in his face? What would you have done? 
What do you want to do now when God doesn't come through? Don't you want to do that sometimes? 
Please give me some license here- I don't mean to offend- but if we were accurately and honestly translating this to modern English- she is saying "Where the hell where you! You say you love us?!? And you let THIS happen?!?" 


Can you picture it?
Can you hear it? 
Can you feel it? 


Did Jesus take a step back? Martha seemed to be one of those ladies you didn't mess with. 
Jesus says- "Your brother will rise again"


Martha thinks this is a good Sunday school answer. I can hear the resignation in her voice. The defeat. She was looking for something. Hope. Promise. A miracle. And she gets a tired old scripture she has heard before. Or, that's what she thinks she hears. 


Did Jesus hold her face and look into her eyes? Did his voice become gentler? 
He says "Oh Martha. Listen to me. Abandon your religious framework. Don't you see? Haven't you seen? 
I AM the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me, though he may die, he shall live. And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die." And I think he really made sure he had her attention when he finished talking to her, saying, "Do you believe this?" There is a whole lot packed in these 4 words, isn't there?


Those of you who believe- we read the Bible. We go to church or mass. We want to follow and we try to obey. We want to be "good". And sometimes life still sucks, doesn't it? Shitty things still happen to you don't they? And he asks you: 
Do you believe this? 
When everything around you seems to contradict the existence of a good God- Do you believe this? Will you still believe? Will you still trust? 


Martha seems satisfied by this. She affirms her belief in Him. And she goes to get Mary. Now Mary is a much much different girl than her sister. Isn't that usually the case? She comes to Jesus and says the exact same thing Martha said.
If you had been here my brother would not have died. 


I bet there was not as much accusation in her voice, but more betrayal. Mary was the soft touch. She sat at his feet while Martha cleaned. She was truly hurt and devastated. How could Jesus have let this happen? They had seen him heal before. He healed strangers! Anyone who clambered around him! And he ignores the requests of those he "says" he loves. They had sent for him in plenty of time. I mean, c'mon! One time he healed a guys servant and he was miles away! And the guy wasn't even a Jew! But when WE needed help, you were too busy! 


Can you hear the fury?
The betrayal?
Have you felt this?


Two things happen that are fascinating to me. Jesus responds to Mary in a completely different way than he does with Martha. After she repeats what Martha says, Mary collapses, weeping. He does not engage in conversation with her. He simply asks where they put Lazarus. And he weeps with her.


This is very very cool. Jesus responds to each sister according to their personalities. He responded to them with what he knew they needed. 


But now, finally, we get to the point of the story that really grabs my attention. 
Look, I know this story. I grew up in the church. I have read the Bible through multiple times. Not bragging. Just sayin'. 


And I missed this next detail for years.
. 
Check out this verse: 
John 11:33 Therefore, when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in spirit and was troubled.


Big deal, right? So what. Of course he was troubled. Except, John used a very odd word that was translated "groaned". From what I have read and heard, this word meant Jesus was furious. "Troubled" would more accurately be translated "deeply agitated".
Jesus sees their weeping and he is furious. Livid. 
What? Come again?


And when he comes up to the tomb the same word translated "groaning" is used again. Jesus was so mad, so disturbed and upset he might have even been visibly trembling. 


Ok. This is not good. Have you ever seen any seen anyone this angry? Even if it is somebody who isn't physically intimidating, it is still scary and upsetting. There is something very disturbing and unsettling about seeing somebody incredibly angry, isn't there?
Ponder a few things with me. 
Jesus probably was physically intimidating. After all, he was a carpenter until he was 30. 
Worse, yet, He was freakin' GOD for cryin' out loud! What could be scarier than that!!
Why was he so mad?
What was he so mad about?
Who was he mad at?

There are, of course, different theories about this. Some say Jesus was mad at death. Others that he was upset about seeing those he loved very upset. Maybe he was mad at Satan for causing pain and death. Still others say that he was mad at everyone for their lack of faith. I don't think that last one is accurate. It doesn't fit the story at all, but it sure fits the way some people seem to see God- but that's another blog.

But let's not forget, he could have prevented all of this.
If
he
just
would
have
showed
up.
-when he was supposed to. expected to. should have. but he didn't.

I don't know why he was mad. I hope it was because he was so angry to see those he loved upset.
I hope he gets that mad when he sees me weeping, or when he sees you weeping and upset.
When you heard those words you didn't want to hear. When your world was shattered. When your dream died.
He saw it when it happened, dear one. It hurt him to see it. I believe He wept when you wept. He sees you as you look over your life and are filled with deep disappointment as to how it has played out. He comes to you as he came to Martha and Mary. He loves you enough to respond in the way you need it most.
He knows you wanted to be married years ago. He feels the ache in your heart. He knows that you wanted children of your own but now you can only indulge that yearning by being with the children of others.
I do not understand why life has turned out this way for you.
But I do know this. He is furious about what has happened to you. I know you may not feel that. But I offer this story as hope.
He sees. Someday He will take your head in His hands and explain it all. But you still live in today.
And he says to you: Do you believe this?
And when you do, somehow, in some way, I hope it helps.