How to be driven to the brink of insanity

A somewhat accurate re-accounting of a conversation I had. With a family member/friend.

Older, technology challenged person (OTCP): Hey, could you please help me log on to my bank site?

Me: (proceeding with trepidation- realizing the potential pit I am entering) Uh, sure... What's wrong?

OTCP: It won't work. I hate this site! It's always broken.

Me: It's worked for you before, right?

OTCP: Yes, but when I try the log on it won't work. Do you think the interwebs are broken?

Me: Uh, not to my knowledge. Let's see what's going on. Ok- it looks like it wants an identification code.

OTCP: Yes. It always wants that.

Me: Did you recently erase the cookies on your ipad?

OTCP: (blank look) I...don't....uh.....no?

Me: Ok, no problem, somehow your device lost the information it carried so that the web site recognized your device.

OTCP: … (I only get a blank stare in return, A stare so vacant it looks like it belongs on a Kardashian)

Me: Never mind, we can get you back up and running in no time!

OTCP: Good. What do we do?

Me: It wants an ID code. You have to tell the site where to send it.

OTCP: Oh! (with a slight hint of panic in their voice) Where do I send it??

Me: It really doesn’t matter. Just send it to your e-mail.

OTCP: But how does it know that?? Are they spying on me? Is this a government thing?

Me: No, it’s nothing like that. Look, it already knows your e-mail. It is listing that as one of the options of where to send it.

OTCP: Alright… Ok. Now it still says it wants an ID code.

Me: Yuuuup. It needs an ID code. Just like before.

OTCP: (panicked) But I don’t know what that is!!!

Me: I know you don’t, they just e-mailed it to you.

OTCP: But how did they know where to send it? I’m telling you, I don’t like this “Big Brother” stuff. Oh, do you watch that show? I saw it the other day and….

Me: (interrupting while ignoring the rabbit trail) Remember? You we JUST covered this. They already have it. You typed it in when you set yourself up on the site to do on-line banking.

OTCP: Oh.

Right. Now what do we do?

Me: You go to your e-mail and get the ID code.

OTCP: Ooooh. That makes sense. So my e-mail address is my ID code! (proud that they finally figured this out)

Me: WHAT?!?! NO! Your e-mail address isn’t the ID code, that’s where they SENT it. The ID code is just some numbers they sent to you so they can make sure it’s you logging in.

OTCP: Do I have to do anything special to get the e-mail?

Me: Why, what do you… Never mind. No. Just open it like any other regular e-mail.

OTCP: Ok. Here it is.

Pause…

Me: Um, what are you doing?

OTCP: I’m clicking on the number. It isn’t doing anything.

Me: Why would it be doing anything? What do you want it to do? Dance?

OTCP: No. I want it to get me into the banking interwebs.

Me: Right. I know that. But you have to go back to the banks interwe…. SITE and put the number in the box where it asks for the identification code. Does that make sense???

OTCP: Yes. You don’t have to be snippy about it.

Me: Sorry. Um, you might want to write down the ID code. (It briefly flashed through my mind to explain the voodoo practice that is “cut and paste” but I opted not to enter that particular vat of quicksand)

OTCP: Why?

Me: Cause…. You need it?

OTCP: For what?

Me: (internally- ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?????)

externally:
TO
ACCESS
THE BANK’S
WEB SITE

OTCP: Don’t they know that?

Me: HOW WOULD THEY KNOW THAT????

OTCP: They had my e-mail address didn’t they????

Me: Yes. They infiltrated your computer and stole your e-mail address. But sadly, their magic technology was unable to plug the number from your e-mail to the box on the screen. It is challenging, but you will have to put it into the little box yourself.

OTCP: Now you are being snotty.

Me: (taking a breath) I’m sorry. I just don’t understand why this is so hard?

OTCP: Me either! Why don’t they just make this easy?

Me: it is easy. So easy. I don’t see how it could be easier.

OTCP: It’s not easy to me.

Me: Yeah. Got that. Alright, put in the ID code.

OTCP: (starts typing)

Me: Wait, what are you doing? WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY ARE YOU TYPING YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS INTO THE ID CODE BOX!!!!!!!!

OTCP: Cause you said I needed my e-mail!!!!

Me: Are you trying to torture me??? Are there cameras around recording this???

OTCP: SO WHAT DO I PUT IN THE ID CODE BOX THEN????

Me: …. I …. just….. why…..there…..nothing….. ever….. madness….. (please God, please don’t let me get old)

Remember that number you wrote down?

OTCP: Yes.

Me: That said ID CODE!!?!?  

OTCP: Uh huh.

Me: THAT MIGHT BE IT.

OTCP: (a flash of understanding dimly shines deep in the recesses of their eyes) ohhhhh

Me: Yes. Yes. The number that said ID code goes in the box that asks for the ID code. It is ancient magic, but it works.

OTCP: Stop it.

Me: Sorry. Again. Ok, you got the number in there. Good. Now put in your password.

(they type it in, and push enter. not surprisingly, it doesn’t work)

OTCP: See! It’s broken.

Me: Did you put your password in?

OTCP: Of course! What else would I put in?

Me: Heaven only knows… I thought maybe you put your social security number in there.

OTCP: Oh! Is that what they need?

Me: NO NO NO. THEY WANT YOUR FREAKIN PASSWORD. If you put your e-mail address in the PASSWORD box, I swear by all that’s holy…

OTCP: No, I didn’t do that. I put in my password!

Me: May I ask WHICH password?

OTCP: The one for my e-mail!

Me: How are you even still alive? I have to go. For some reason I have a headache.

OTCP: I know! Computers do the same thing to me.

Me: Yes. That’s right. Darn computers.

The Charade of Righteousness

February 11, 2015 at 11:23pm

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                Religion tends to make you closed and dishonest.      Dallas Willard

A few weeks ago I posted a statement about how I felt the church needed to do a better job of imitating Christ. A friend of mine asked a great question.

“How?”

There were a number of things that sprang into my mind right away, but I resisted the urge to answer quickly. Indeed, I have spent all this time pondering her question. There have been a number of things bouncing around in my head.
Weakness
Brokenness
Hypocrisy
Anger
Defensiveness
Failure

How does it all fit together? Can I figure out a way to convey what is in my heart? I want to help you understand why I can be so critical of the church. Why I won’t stop talking about it, stop posting about it. Why I won’t stop trying to get others to look at the church and themselves from a new perspective. It is difficult for me sometimes as I have no idea how effective my writings and thoughts are. There is no way to gauge how many people I am impacting. Yet despite that, I feel like I am supposed to talk about these topics.

One of the easiest things to do is to examine something and point out the flaws. Almost anyone can do that. But can you offer solutions alongside the criticisms? I have found this to be rare.

Tonight I heard a sermon from a pastor named John Ortberg- one of my favorite speakers. He was interviewing one of his mentors, a theologian and college professor named Dallas  Willard. For those of you paying attention, that is the originator of the quote at the top of this essay. While I was listening to this sermon, a number of things tied together in my mind. If you listen to the sermon ( i have posted the link on my Facebook wall) you will see that throughout much of the remainder of the essay I will borrow heavily from this sermon.

Everyone hates hypocrisy. I think it is safe to say you will never meet anyone who claims to love it. Or who can even tolerate it. We hate hypocrites. They betray us, reject us, and we want nothing to do with them. We love to see them dressed down in movies and in books.
We hate hypocrites because they are false. And sadly, when hypocrisy is mentioned many instantly think of the church. Of Christians. Admittedly, a lot of this is unjustified. There is a lot of stereotyping done by people who were hurt by one church or a specific person. And they have painted with a broad brush. The irony is that doing this is quite hypocritical.

The church has many problems. It’s full of people, how could it not be? We make mistakes, we screw up, we get it wrong, we hurt people.

We sin. All of us.

And here is where it starts to get interesting. If you deny that you sin you call God a liar.
Bad idea, by the way.
When we sin, something happens inside of us. We split inside, we fracture. When you sin, you know that you have hurt yourself and others, but you probably won’t fess up to it. You often don’t deal with it quickly, if at all. And since you know that you have done wrong, you hide what you have done. Or you try and diminish what happened or its effects. Or you determine that you will talk to God about it later, in your “quiet time”. Which are other forms of hiding. It all goes right back to the garden, doesn’t it? Seriously, we haven’t changed much in some regards.

It is very difficult to live and think of yourself as someone who is petty, mean and selfish. As someone who has done whatever it is that you just did. And you decide that you need to look at yourself in another light. You lie to yourself about who you are and what you have done. You justify.
Rationalize.
And eventually, you start to believe it. Well, mostly.
And you split again.
And this new, self cleansed person is the one we present to the world. It’s not unlike a dog licking it’s own fur to appear and feel clean. But it doesn’t work very well, does it? There is that annoying little thing we call our “conscious” reminding us, pointing toward what we did. Who we hurt.
And that’s after one sin.

Eventually it is very easy to become fractured people. And what happens when you strike something that is badly fractured?

yes- it shatters- it is very unstable

You can’t maintain life when you are shattered. When you are shattered there are many broken pieces, aren’t there? And what happens when you touch something that has been shattered? You get cut. Which is why hurting people hurt people. They are full of sharp, shattered pieces. But again, you can’t live like this, so you have to find some glue. Your “glue” could be many different things.

Work
Friends
Family
Arts
TV
Alcohol
Drugs
Video Games
Sports
Did I hit yours yet?

Of course, we need God to be our glue, but we will get to that later.
And so we walk around, shattered people, self glued together,

We do NOT like it when people see our cracks. We would rather pretend they weren’t there. If we pretend hard enough, we can almost forget they are there at all.

The church is supposed to be different.
We are supposed to let our weakness be our testimony.
We should be the most real, authentic people in the world, yes?
Just like Jesus was.
That’s one of the things that made Jesus so magnetic. He was always exactly who he really was. He never pretended to be something he wasn’t.

Don’t you find it odd that the people everyone thought were the scum of the earth loved hanging around him? He hung around prostitutes and tax collectors so much he got labeled as a drunk and a glutton. A good old fashioned partier. He hung around all the people he wasn’t supposed to. A lot.
And when he did, even without sinning, they wanted him around even more and they wanted to become more like Him.

Can you imagine a prostitute feeling comfortable around many pastors today? And I don’t mean in an immoral way.
Why is this? Shouldn’t we be alarmed by this? Something has gone very, very wrong.

We no longer lead with our weakness.
The church should be THE place to go with our brokenness.
We all know that most of the time, it’s not.

Why? How did it get this way?

Everyone wants to be liked by somebody. And some of us want to be liked by lots of somebodies. And this ties back into our brokenness. We hate ourselves so we try to “purchase” the affection of others to act as a salve against the pain we feel due to our self loathing. And we loathe ourselves because we KNOW who we really are, despite our attempts to hide.

And many people like this become pastors or leaders in ministry.
No, not all of them of course.
But more than many think.

An organization inevitably takes on some of the characteristics of its leader. It just happens.

We have bought into a very dangerous lie.
We have bought into the idea of success being the pinnacle of achievement.
We believe too often that we need to be strong, put together, intelligent...likeable.
When people see how wonderful we are, they will want to be like us!
And the pastor says we need to go and tell others about how awesome it is to be a Christian!
We need to evangelize the world! The best way to do that is to project strength and confidence, right?

NO, no, no, no. Please no.

There are so many people running around pretending that they have no cracks. That they have never “split” themselves by sinning and then immediately following that up with self deceit.
BUT YOU HAVE! You have done this!
And too often you pretend that you haven’t!

And a whole, whole bunch of these people are running around trying to convince others to be like them without being willing to expose their own cracks! People see right through this garbage.
At least most do eventually.

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when you have succeeded, you make them twice as much a child of hell as you are.”

Perform!
Tithe! Join the choir!
Witness! Read the Bible! Worship!
Attend church! Join a ministry! Go into ministry! Do more!

We will never truly impact the world until we own our brokenness. Until we lead with our weakness. We have to stop pretending to be something other than what we are. We have to stop being fake.
It’s ok to be broken.
It’s ok to be a recovering sinner.
It’s ok to be a sinner.

For you are what you are no matter how you want people to see you.
No matter what you want people to believe.
You are still you.
And that’s ok!
Be you!

And yes, some of you are very unhappy with me right now.
Are you condoning sin!?!?!?!
Are you saying it’s ok for people to just keep doing what they are doing????
Are we supposed to get “soft” on sin.

You make me tired.
No.
That is not what I am saying. Of course not. That would be ridiculous. It would be like getting people to admit that they are sick and showing them a picture of a hospital but not telling them where it is.

Here’s the thing.
You can’t stop anyone from sinning. You can only point them toward the one who can.
Guess what? You aren’t the Holy Spirit. And he just might not need your help cleaning people up. Oh, if he wants to use you, he will.
We just need to point them to the one that has helped us with OUR brokenness. The one who cares much, much more about healing them than you ever could.

See?
That is what will draw people.
“Hey, let me tell you about the times I have really blown it, and the times I still screw up sometimes. Let me talk to you about the One who absolutely will not let me get away with it. The One who puts me back together. I would love to see him help you with your brokenness.”

C’mon church.
We have to START with how human we are.
We have to lead with authenticity.
We should be the most real, honest people in the world.

Then people will listen.
Why would they want to be a part of an organization where so many people are fake?

We need to repent. Repentance is seeing things as they really are, not how we want them to be.

And that’s why I write what I do about the church. We need to see things as they really are.
Not to damage, not just to criticize, but to get back to what we are called to be.

The first place people want to go with their brokenness, not one of the last.