Dare we Mourn?

I have enough friends on Facebook to know that some of you are not in a good place right now. Life just doesn't seem to be going your way. You had plans, dreams and desires and somehow it all seems to be falling apart despite your best efforts. And you don't know how much longer you can hold on.

I'm sorry you are going through this.
It can be difficult to know what to say to someone who is hurting.
The difficulty is, there really are no words that will take away your pain.
And the equally difficult thing is that so many people pretend that there are.
I'm sure you have heard all the well meaning, but ultimately unhelpful, trite sayings that get trotted out there.
"Don't worry, this won't last forever"
"It will all work out for the good!"
"Just put it under the blood" (A common Christian saying)

It's not that these sayings don't have truth in them, it's just not the time to be using them.
When you are at a funeral for a child who has just passed away, or a spouse, or a beloved relative or friend, please don't tell the bereaved that their loved one is "in a better place".

The reason why we do this is because we are just not comfortable with grief, sadness, or lament.
We want to offer a cure, hope, a way out as soon as possible.

Those things are needed and will come.
In time.
But we need to get better at determining when those times are and when those things are needed.
We throw those things out prematurely because other people's pain makes us uncomfortable. It intrudes on our own sense of well being.
We dare not let it intrude to far on our own state of being. For we all have all been there.
We have all felt our own times of emotional agony and despair.
And we do not want to go back there for obvious reasons.
So we inevitable put up a wall of platitudes to keep their pain away from us. We dare not take their pain on us. We don't want it.
They can keep it, thank you very much.

But as believers, this is NOT what we are called to do.
We are called to MOURN with those who mourn.
And that means ENTERING it with them.
Attempting to feel what they feel.

I know, this is hard.
it is counter cultural.
They really did this much better centuries ago, and in present day- in some other cultures.
But here in America?
We don't like to be sad.
We will do all we can to avoid it.
So we trot out niceties to the hurting and get away from them as soon as it is polite to do so.
Or we hope they just "get over it" if it happens to take longer than the time we allot for them to recover from their heartbreak.

In biblical times they actually had professional mourners! I think this is extreme, but they saw an importance to it that we do not.
Or will not.

Can you imagine someone approaching Jesus carrying the cross on his way to be crucified?
"Hey, it will be ok!"
"Don't forget God loves you!"
"Maybe if you would have had more faith..."

No.
This is absurd.
There
is
a
time
to
grieve

Sometimes you just have to be present.
Or listen.
Or weep with the person whose life has been shattered.
Or just hold them or hold there hand.

Stop trying to rescue them from it.

What isn't your job.
And none of us are any good at it anyway.

On Sunday, May 31st, the community at Solomon's Porch Community Church wants you to know we are trying to get better at this.

We are going to have a service for people like you.
We want to be with you in your dark time.
We are not going to try and fix you.
We are not going to try and rescue you.
Instead, we simply want to offer us to you.
We will stand beside you.
We will hold you, if that's what you need.
We will listen.
But ultimately, we want to love you right
where
you
are

And in order to do this well, we also need people who are NOT in a bad place to support and love those who are.

Please come join us.
And invite others.